I hope you've had a great week and that you've been taking care of yourself. I felt compelled to speak on suicide today because, whether in my personal life or in my professional one, the topic seems to be unavoidable as of late. I know that you may have been there yourself or you may know someone that has been. Regardless, this is an experience that many don't always feel comfortable discussing.....aaaaaand that's the problem, in my opinion. This problem is even worse once you start breaking things down by categories and statistics. 

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) states that "suicide deaths further increased in 2022, rising from 48,183 deaths in 2021 to an estimated 49,449 deaths in 2022, an increase of approximately 2.6%". The CDC goes on to state that between 2021 and 2022, there was a 3.8% increase in suicides with women (while men still overwhelmingly make up the majority of suicides, increasing from 38,358 to 39,255), a 15.9% increase in Native Hawaiian and other Pacific Islanders, a 5.7% increase amongst Asians, and an 8.1% increase in people 65 years old and older (2023). 

An encouraging statistic, however, is that between 2021 and 2022, there has been an 8.4% decrease of suicides amongst people between the ages of 10-24 (2023). One of the contributing factors to this decrease may be education and prevention measures that are being taken in our schools. There is no doubt that the younger generation appears to be more comfortable with discussing their emotions and seeking help, compared to previous generations. Is it easy to do? No, but it clearly works. 
"The National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention and the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline suggest 5 steps to help safeguard people from the risk of suicide and support them when in crisis" (2023):

1. Ask: Sometimes the easiest and best thing that we can do is simply ask and have discussions about the topic. Don't play around with it. 'I'm worried that you're going to hurt yourself and I don't want to lose you' or 'I'm really hurting and I'm scared that I don't want to keep going anymore' are great starting points. Just say SOMETHING.   
2. Help keep them safe: It's hard to ask someone what they are thinking of using to hurt themselves, but this is necessary information so that we can help make the environment safe. Belts, rope, sheets, obvious weapons, pills, and razors are all the usual suspects but don't be afraid to think outside of the box. But sometimes the best way to make the environment safe is to...
3. Be there: Isolation and suicide are besties. The less isolated we are, the less likely we are to act on suicidal thoughts. If you THINK someone might be suicidal, don't just assume that they'll be ok. The best rule of thumb is that if they seem like they shouldn't be alone, they probably shouldn't be. 
4. Help them connect: There's lots of information out there on resources to find help. Educating ourselves or simply reaching out for help greatly increases the likelihood of surviving the wave of suicidal thoughts. Find a therapist. Call a hotline. Seek out bridges to life instead of barriers. Oh look! There's a resource coming up soon! If we slowly move the mouse towards it, we might be able to sneak up on it and click it. Go ahead and give it a try.... http://988lifeline.org/
5. Follow up: People like to know that others care. That's normal. If that friend or family member told you they need help, don't just stop being present after they get their help. These feelings resurface. Life still happens and people will ALWAYS need to know they're loved. The cool part is, once we give that gift of follow up, it tends to come back to us when we need it. A 'check-in' has never hurt anyone.  

If you are someone you are concerned about is experiencing suicidal thoughts, you can call or text 988 in order to be connected to a suicide hotline. 

Resources
 
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023).  Provisional Suicide Deaths in the United States, 2022 | CDC Online Newsroom | CDC. 

Counseling was needed for me to heal not only my relationship but also myself. What led me to seeking help was my girlfriend. Like many others in 2020, she and I reflected on mortality and the feeling of helplessness. The difference was I felt like I was pretending to feel compassion for what everyone was going through. I began thinking of all the loss I felt in my life before the pandemic, and I was glad that the world was finally feeling the dread I’ve been feeling all the time since 2013. 2013 was the year I lost my father and other family members, some dead while others no longer communicating the way we have before. I felt alone.
 
The sadness I felt from his death began to surface again after I thought I’d moved passed it. The anger I felt from people not understanding how I was feeling began to come out as mean comments I masked as being “sarcastic.” My girlfriend and I had an honest conversation about continuing our lives together. She told me that living together she realized how emotionally unavailable I was.

The only way we could do that was if we both sought counseling. If people are hesitant about going to counseling, give it a try it will surprise you with how rewarding it is. During my counseling session, I learned that my core wound wasn’t just about losing my father or my time in the military, it came from childhood. I felt like a cliché after digging through one of the most painful memories. I have allowed myself to see the true cause of my apathy and pain. I learned I can’t save everyone, and I can’t judge everyone and everything. My way to feel is not “the right way” but a way to feel.
 
How often do you feel so low or angry in your life that you begin to affect the people around you? I’m willing to bet that it happens more often than you think. That’s what was happening to me in 2020. For me to move on with my girlfriend I needed to accept the past, not just confront it. Counseling did help me come to terms with my “flaws” and know that having them is what makes me human. The time in counseling has improved my overall well-being. I am married and living a more fulfilled life. My work on myself continues but counseling has provided me the confidence and the foundation to continue the hard work.

​Life is a journey that takes us through various ups and downs, and at times, we find ourselves standing at the crossroads of uncertainty and despair. During one such challenging period in my life, therapy emerged as a guiding light, leading me out of the depths of darkness and helping me navigate the tumultuous waters of job loss and depression. In this blog, I aim to share my personal experience of how therapy transformed my life, providing hope and healing when I needed it the most.

The Unexpected Blow: 
Losing a job can be a devastating experience that shakes the very foundation of our lives. It not only affects our financial stability but also takes an immense toll on our emotional well-being. When I found myself in the midst of this overwhelming situation, feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and hopelessness engulfed me. I sank into a deep state of depression, unsure of how to move forward and fearing an uncertain future. Amidst the darkness, I decided to seek professional help and embarked on a therapeutic journey. Therapy became my sanctuary, a space where I could express my emotions without judgment and receive support from someone who genuinely cared about my well-being. Through occasional sessions, my therapist provided a safe and non-judgmental environment, allowing me to explore the depths of my emotions and confront the underlying issues that contributed to my depression.  Therapy helped me peel back the layers of my emotions, allowing me to understand the complexities of my situation. Together with my therapist, I examined my beliefs, fears, and negative thought patterns that had been holding me back. We worked on reframing my perspective, fostering self-compassion, and challenging the irrational thoughts that had consumed me.

Building Resilience and Self-Awareness: As therapy progressed, I began to develop a greater sense of self-awareness. I discovered that my job loss was not a reflection of my self-worth but rather an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.  My therapist helped me identify my strengths and values, enabling me to redefine my career path and pursue opportunities aligned with my true passions.
Gradually, therapy empowered me to regain control over my life. It equipped me with coping mechanisms to manage the challenges that came my way and instilled a sense of hope within me. I rediscovered my strengths, rebuilt my self-confidence, and developed a renewed sense of purpose. With the guidance and support of therapy, I was able to emerge from the depths of depression and embrace the possibilities that lay ahead.

​Through therapy, I discovered that seeking help during times of adversity is not a sign of weakness, but rather an act of courage. It provided me with the tools to heal, grow, and transform my life. The journey was not always easy, but it was undoubtedly worth it. If you find yourself struggling with the weight of depression or any other mental health challenge, I urge you to consider reaching out for support. Therapy has the potential to be a guiding light, leading you through the darkest of times and helping you find your way back to the beauty of life. Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope even in the midst of despair.

Hi! Curtis here!…you know…the guy that you’re thinking about seeing for therapy. Today I figured I would do my own blog post as this is a significant day in my life. Today makes 5 years to the day that I lost my little brother. I’m literally typing up this post right now with tears in my eyes as The Foo Fighters’ new album “But Here We Are” blasts from my phone (an album from a band that is all about the loss of their friend and drummer…check it out!). So why am I telling you all of this? Well, that’s the point of the blog right?…sharing how our pain led us to therapy and how that helped us…Well, something in my spirit told me to get up and share my story in the hopes that it will help someone else.

My brother passed away 5 years ago today in a motorcycle accident. It was the first REAL loss I had ever experienced as far as someone that I interacted with everyday for the majority of my early life. I did the typical thing that people do in this situation…I went into ‘fix it’ mode. I focused on helping my parents. I didn’t even allow myself to cry early on until things were settled enough to where I felt “safe” enough to do so.

Eventually, I found my way to therapy. The ironic part is, it wasn’t even my therapist that ultimately helped me heal myself from this loss. It was a colleague that used Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) on me during my first training for the technique. It really helped me to see the loss differently. I went from focusing on details of the accident to seeing the images and memories that I (and I believe he) would rather focus on with regards to my relationship with him. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still hurt from time to time…He was my brother and I’m always going to love and miss him…but the feelings that were so overwhelming aren’t there anymore. I think that’s what he would want. 

​Growing up, mental health wasn’t a topic of discussion. In fact, it was rather taboo to talk about. We were raised to just deal and tough it out, and that broke me bit by bit throughout the years. After trying to “tough it out” in an abusive relationship for the sake of family, dealing with the abuse post relationship, pressure from those around me to go back to the abusive relationship for the kids, and a death in the family…my “why” was no longer enough. 

I wanted to be better for my kids and for myself, but I knew the only way I could do that was to seek help. I needed to rewire the way my brain was processing and handling the trauma and stress. But more importantly, I desperately needed to feel understood. I needed to feel like I wasn’t alone and wasn’t “crazy” for struggling with the things I lived through. Despite the taboo of seeking help and being yet again advised to just “deal with”, I knew I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. It was the only chance to stand a chance in making it through just even one day…one week…one month…

One decision and one step to seek help and start counseling for just a hope of just getting through one day at a time. That one day is now two years and I’ve been thriving at my own pace and a much stronger, healthier, and happier me. Notice I didn’t say I’m a completely different person, though I’ve made such tremendous progress that it does feel like I am sometimes. I’ve learned that the past is always going to be a part of us, but it doesn’t have to define who we are.

 Counseling has helped me understand my trauma and taught me how to cope and move forward with patience and self-love. With a better understanding of trauma, coping skills I’ve learned, ART therapy, and continued counseling, I no longer rely regularly and religiously on anxiety and antidepressants. It truly has been a life changing journey that I am so proud of myself for in taking that first step towards a happier me. I’m breaking down the taboo of mental health for my kids and others around me, and I’m damn proud of being able to do so. 

​Starting therapy has been the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. I had a textbook case of daddy issues, which resulted in me always selecting the wrong type of men, which resulted in relationship issues, which resulted in body issues, then self-esteem issues. By the time I started therapy, I was at a point in my life where I truly felt like I wasn’t worthy of love from a man. Like I was destined to die alone. It didn’t help that I am almost 30 years old, and by society's standards I should be married with kids by now. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep wondering why men don’t want me and why do they continue to hurt me or treat me like I mean nothing.
 
Throughout my therapy journey I’ve blocked people, took myself out on dates, got comfortable in my own skin, started a fitness journey, got Lasik, set boundaries, started exploring new hobbies, got vulnerable, had difficult conversations, got assertive, became comfortable with the unknown about my future, starting loving myself as is, got celibate and most importantly….cried like a baby at almost every session. Seriously, I saw my therapist for a little over a year and I can count on one hand how many sessions I did not cry.
 
The most important thing I learned in therapy is, I am the love of my life. PERIOD. I cannot wait around for a man to finally see something good in me and treat me right nor can I let the opinions of men determine how I view or love myself. I must get comfortable treating myself the way I want to be treated. Whether that’s pampering myself or taking myself out on dates, I can’t spend my time waiting for a man to do it. And when and if I do meet a wonderful man, the happiness he gives to me will be a bonus. As my therapist once told me “I’m good with or without you.”
 
My biggest suggestion for anyone thinking about starting therapy for the first time: get a good therapist! I know that sounds easier said than done. But the therapist you choose sets the tone for your healing journey. I lucked out and found an amazing therapist the first time around, but if you feel that you and your therapist aren’t clicking, find a new one. Your therapist should be able to provide a judgment-free safe space for you. I can't tell you how important that is. Without that safe space, you won’t feel comfortable being vulnerable with them. And if you can’t get vulnerable with them, then you’re just wasting your time and most importantly money. And nobody wants that!