​Growing up, mental health wasn’t a topic of discussion. In fact, it was rather taboo to talk about. We were raised to just deal and tough it out, and that broke me bit by bit throughout the years. After trying to “tough it out” in an abusive relationship for the sake of family, dealing with the abuse post relationship, pressure from those around me to go back to the abusive relationship for the kids, and a death in the family…my “why” was no longer enough. 

I wanted to be better for my kids and for myself, but I knew the only way I could do that was to seek help. I needed to rewire the way my brain was processing and handling the trauma and stress. But more importantly, I desperately needed to feel understood. I needed to feel like I wasn’t alone and wasn’t “crazy” for struggling with the things I lived through. Despite the taboo of seeking help and being yet again advised to just “deal with”, I knew I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. It was the only chance to stand a chance in making it through just even one day…one week…one month…

One decision and one step to seek help and start counseling for just a hope of just getting through one day at a time. That one day is now two years and I’ve been thriving at my own pace and a much stronger, healthier, and happier me. Notice I didn’t say I’m a completely different person, though I’ve made such tremendous progress that it does feel like I am sometimes. I’ve learned that the past is always going to be a part of us, but it doesn’t have to define who we are.

 Counseling has helped me understand my trauma and taught me how to cope and move forward with patience and self-love. With a better understanding of trauma, coping skills I’ve learned, ART therapy, and continued counseling, I no longer rely regularly and religiously on anxiety and antidepressants. It truly has been a life changing journey that I am so proud of myself for in taking that first step towards a happier me. I’m breaking down the taboo of mental health for my kids and others around me, and I’m damn proud of being able to do so. 

​Starting therapy has been the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. I had a textbook case of daddy issues, which resulted in me always selecting the wrong type of men, which resulted in relationship issues, which resulted in body issues, then self-esteem issues. By the time I started therapy, I was at a point in my life where I truly felt like I wasn’t worthy of love from a man. Like I was destined to die alone. It didn’t help that I am almost 30 years old, and by society's standards I should be married with kids by now. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep wondering why men don’t want me and why do they continue to hurt me or treat me like I mean nothing.
 
Throughout my therapy journey I’ve blocked people, took myself out on dates, got comfortable in my own skin, started a fitness journey, got Lasik, set boundaries, started exploring new hobbies, got vulnerable, had difficult conversations, got assertive, became comfortable with the unknown about my future, starting loving myself as is, got celibate and most importantly….cried like a baby at almost every session. Seriously, I saw my therapist for a little over a year and I can count on one hand how many sessions I did not cry.
 
The most important thing I learned in therapy is, I am the love of my life. PERIOD. I cannot wait around for a man to finally see something good in me and treat me right nor can I let the opinions of men determine how I view or love myself. I must get comfortable treating myself the way I want to be treated. Whether that’s pampering myself or taking myself out on dates, I can’t spend my time waiting for a man to do it. And when and if I do meet a wonderful man, the happiness he gives to me will be a bonus. As my therapist once told me “I’m good with or without you.”
 
My biggest suggestion for anyone thinking about starting therapy for the first time: get a good therapist! I know that sounds easier said than done. But the therapist you choose sets the tone for your healing journey. I lucked out and found an amazing therapist the first time around, but if you feel that you and your therapist aren’t clicking, find a new one. Your therapist should be able to provide a judgment-free safe space for you. I can't tell you how important that is. Without that safe space, you won’t feel comfortable being vulnerable with them. And if you can’t get vulnerable with them, then you’re just wasting your time and most importantly money. And nobody wants that!